i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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