Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
