rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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