as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
