So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
