you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
