did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
