Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
