I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's even glitter on my cock...
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