A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
