You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
