I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
