You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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