I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
