so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
