he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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