Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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