that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
