i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
