I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
