She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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