Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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