I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
