All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
