in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
