At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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