im drinking this country out of the recession.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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