Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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