I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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