I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And then he peed in my hair
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