I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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