when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize