Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
