Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
