So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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