I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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