meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
