in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
