I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
