I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
