walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well most of my day revolves around power hour
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
