last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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