mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love having hate sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
