Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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