Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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