just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
