he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
