There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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