I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
