OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
