If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
