the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
