I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
