Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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