I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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