Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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