I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
