Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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