so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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