I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
