I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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