Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
