The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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