I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
